Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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