so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sponge bath it is.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I wish you could order shots online.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
