The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
