I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
