I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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