either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
