he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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