I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
