I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
