Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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