So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
