Are we in a gay sports bar?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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