chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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