I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
