I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
