im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
