either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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