I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
