I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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