New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
