How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
