break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
