dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
