i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
