We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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