you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
