i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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