He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
