Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
