Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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