Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
