You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
