Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
