While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
