Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
