I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
