I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
