So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
