the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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