you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
