I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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