Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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