Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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