The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
