Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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