Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
