you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
