'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
