First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
