i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
