You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You ruined the universe
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