You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
