Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
